I’d prefer my body to feel twitchy and ready as opposed to flat and sluggish the day before the ride starts. Man, I am wiped out. Everyone seems to be. I’m all out of sorts.

Today was indeed a day of lines. First we had to meet at 8:30 am (which required coordination). The unannounced safety video at 9:00 am. We made it to the video, but the machine kept eating tapes. Its funny … a big part of the tape emphasized "kindness." We are supposed to "practice kindness." Several of us joked that by the end of the ride we might be saying "fuck kindness" instead. Then we got to the safety part of the video and the machine really started eating the tape. What we mostly heard was "… resulting in death … garble, garble … dead … garble, garble … collarbone sticking out … dead." Mmmmm, nice. Its too bad we couldn’t make it all the way through ‘cause the end of the video probably was a tad more upbeat.

Next, we stood in line to drop off the bike. Then registration, then putting our numbers on our bikes. It was about 12:15 pm. At 1:00 pm all the SF riders that Scott was training with were supposed to meet to get their tent assignments. But that meant their friends would want to join them too. It was probably impossible. Well, it was certainly close to impossible. I was getting impatient. Ben was getting really impatient. We (I) tried to create a small breakaway faction to just get moving. I was unsuccessful, however. Finally, at 1:15 pm, the group coalesced and moved as a group to the team tent assignment area. We counted off … 1, 2, 3, … 42. That’s 26 tents. Wow. Ben and I got our tent and we were done. 1:30 pm. (Last week I had a dream that Ben and I did not hook up before Day 0, that I saw him at Day 0 and he told me that he got a different tent mate. Maybe a little ride anxiety?) I’m at peace now, the major logistics stuff is now done.

They start us out very early tomorrow. I feel a little like a sleep deprivation experiment. Up late Wednesday to pack, work Thursday, drive to SF Thursday night arriving late, up too early Friday and in bed too late, up early Saturday, standing around for hours. I’m sure tonight will be a tough sleeping night too.

DAY 0 9:20 PM, SAN FRANCISCO

I’ve had enough pasta the last few days to feed an Italian family of 10. A little carbo loading, huh? Lots of send-off parties here in SF from folks who have done the ride before.

Since I left LA on a Thursday and the ride starts on Sunday, I wonder if anyone even realizes that I am gone!?! It’s a little depressing up here with Scott’s friends all gung-ho about the trip and none of my friends around. Now the question is – am I writing this journal for me or am I writing for the reader? If I am writing it for the reader will this passage even make it in? It sounds like I am whining about the people who might be reading this. I guess I will have the opportunity later to edit this.

So the night before an event that is supposed to be this amazing, fantastic, life-changing experience I’m feeling a little depressed, morose, and alone. Which is stupid. All I need to think about are ALL the people who have encouraged me alone the way, have asked about the ride, have helped me raise so much money for the LA Gay and Lesbian Center. If I think about those things I know that I am not alone. So I have to keep the positive thoughts in the foreground and push the pesky depressing thoughts back. Too bad I’m so good at those.